My Own Tale on Motherhood...

Motherhood doesn't come easy. That's something I learned in the past 2 weeks. Since I delivered, I barely had any decent sleep nor rest. I'm always up, tending and patiently nursing the baby even if breastfeeding proves to be such a difficult feat. Some say it would ease up once I get the hang of it but it has been more than a week and I still cringe when my baby latches, but for the love of my little girl, I am willing to withstand all the pain.

There would be mornings that I wish I could go out for some fresh air, maybe go to the mall, have some quick lunch & buy a good book or something, just so I could have some "me time".... but I can't ~ for some reasons I would rather not enumerate.. I would try fitting into my old jeans or dresses and find that although I lost a lot of my pregnancy weight, a lot still has to be lost. I then fall back into reality and realize, I may be stuck in this situation for the next few months.. Forgive me if I sound like I'm complaining. I am not.. I am even very much thankful for having a baby of my own, it's just that motherhood has somehow taken its toll on me, or maybe I am not that quick adjusting to my new routine just yet.

Leih has been on graveyard shift ever since he went back to work. And so upon arriving home in the morning, he would be so tired & weary from lack of sleep the night before. But still, he manages to take part in bathing the baby, cooing the baby after they've had a few minutes of morning sunlight at the veranda, and changing Chingching's diaper when I barely have enough energy to get up from bed. There would even be times when he'd prepare my breakfast, give me a warm glass of milk in bed, or whisper comforting words into my ear when he feels I'm at the brink of crying..

For two weeks, I've realized that having a baby should really be a shared responsibility. Something that is not to be put solely on the shoulders of the mother. Sad to say but in reality, most of the hardwork & pains in raising a child is carried by mothers rather than our better halves, considering that most mothers still  have their own jobs and careers to juggle.

Leih has been very helpful to me in every way. But    admittedly, at times, I still feel alone & helpless especially during the night when Leih isn't by my side to assist with the baby. I feel so guilty & frustrated when I can't get my baby to latch &  she starts to wail uncontrollably... That's how it is for me every night, at least for the past two weeks..

Then I start to think, what more if the husband orpartner isn't as cooperative as mine? I have heard of a few stories of mothers complaining about how alone they feel being left into rearing their babies, and some even go through post-partum depression. There is even this woman I know who recently gave birth to a beautiful baby and yet, her husband expects her to tend to their baby's needs alone, what's worse is he even had the audacity to cheat on her with a girl at work. Tragic.

It isn't just physical stress that new mothers go through after giving birth, emotional stress creeps up as well.. Insecurities start to build up, boredom, exhaustion... name it, a new mother experiences it all.

I believe that husbands should understand that they should not just share the responsibility of parenthood but they should also take into consideration the feelings of their partners & assure them that they are not alone in this new chapter in their lives. This is the moment when mothers need their husbands the most.

Last night was another ordinary night for us. Chingching would usually be up and fussy, and I would end up teary-eyed not knowing how to calm her. Maybe out of sheer exhaustion, I fell asleep just as dawn crept in, thank God I woke up to a brimming cup of hot chocolate beside the bed with Leih cooing the baby, telling me to take my time and sleep even for a few minutes more... I felt relieved knowing I could take an hour or two to rest & do other things.Thank God, Leih's already home... (",)