My Video Journals...

I would like to believe that whatever things and preparations I did in the past were not born out of pessimism, rather, because I am the kind of person who always thinks way ahead.

one of my videos which I recorded while on Saturday duty....

When I was pregnant with Ching, I made a couple of video journals that I kept in my laptop. It was a video for my daughter, I tagged it as  my "just-in-case-something-happens-to-me video clips". You see, my pregnancy didn't go quite as smooth as the others. I have been watched closely since I had a history of diabetes and hypertension, not to mention,  a mild heart problem. The first 7 months proved to be a struggle.

Because of these, I couldn't help but worry. This is not to discourage other pregnant women out there but pregnancy doesn't come without a risk. We even have a saying, "Nasa kabilang hukay  ang paa ng isang babaeng nanganganak".  There is always a chance that something might get wrong in the end. I should know... coz I have a friend who died while on her 7th month of pregnancy. It was her third baby girl, supposedly..

After her  sad passing,  my friend left two lovely young daughters behind, it was enough to scare me to the core. I then decided to make my video journals for my then-unborn baby, starting when I was 5 months pregnant. I said to myself, I had to be prepared for the worst, though I am always praying and hoping for the best, but up until I am ready for  everything, I will not be at peace.

I made a video for Chingching when she turns 3, when she starts going to school at 6.... when she graduates from gradeschool, highschool and college, a video when she turns 18, a video about me ranting about boys, relationships and love, and another one before she gets married. Yeah, that is a lot. And I know I sound over-the-top.  I used to think so too. But last night as I was declogging my desktop, I chanced upon these clips and started watching them one by one.

Every video I made was filled with love,  telling my daughter how much I wished I was there to take care of her... giving her advices just in case she meets a certain problem, telling her my own love story, recounting to her the wrong things I've done, the good lessons that came out from those mistakes, and the one thing that I always kept repeating to her ~ reminding her to always love & respect herself, give due importance to chastity even if modern times dictate otherwise.. My thought was, the video was the only way to be with my daughter..  Maybe if I eventually fail to make it through my pregnancy at that time, I will not leave my child not knowing what kind of  mother she had...

The last video that I did was for her wedding day. That gave my tears away... It made me realize how much I love and value my baby even if she wasn't born yet then.

I am still keeping my video journals. Though it isn't for anyone else to view, but still, I would like to feel that wherever fate takes me, I will always  be there for my little girl,  loving, caring, and  guiding her no matter where I am.

If in case this article gives off a twisted or weird perception of me, then so be it.  (^_^)